WEEKLY WORLD NEWS JAPAN LAUNCHES

JAPAN – Weekly World News has got its finger on the pulse of Japan!

The people want their news and they want it now. Weekly World News has listened to the people and set up camp in Japan. In an effort to stay current with the pulse of the East, WWN has launched a new Website.

Weeklyworldnews.jp is up and running and delivering reliable news true to WWN. Our trusted journalists and reporters will be providing news stories that other media outlets are afraid to touch on.

Whenever something breaking and newsworthy happens, you can rest assured that Weekly World News and Weekly World News Japan will make sure the public knows about it.

BAT BOY CUT FROM JERSEY SHORE SEASON 2

MIAMI, FL – There was a glaring omission from the second season of the Jersey Shore!

The second season of the Jersey Shore kicked off with a bang. Pauly D and “The Situation” are back for some GTL – over/under for times we’ll be subjected to “The Situation’s” abs? Ronnie is single and ready to do some extreme creeping. Sammie Sweetheart stills loves Ronnie. Snooki and JWoww have more bronzer than a tanning salon. Vinnie might be the only balancing force in the house. All in all, the drama this season looks to make season 1′s look like child’s play.

Weekly World News couldn’t help but notice one glaring omission from the season opener. Bat Boy didn’t make the final cut as producers felt that bringing Angelina back would be a better fit. America’s favorite human had been in contract talks with the show and he was set to be the eighth cast member. In a last minute turn of events, Angelina was added and Bat Boy was placed on the bench.

“Bat Boy certainly brought a different dimension to the cast, which is hard to do considering our assortment of characters,” one producer said, speaking anonymously. “As much as we wanted it to work out, it just wasn’t the right fit. Bat Boy couldn’t stop biting the other cast members and that was causing some tension on the set.”

Bat Boy’s rep let us know that he was devastated when finding out he wasn’t going to be on. He had gone out and completely redone his wardrobe. He bought the latest SMET, Ed Hardy and Affliction clothing and had an inventory of perfectly tight cut offs to accentuate his newly crafted “guns.” He had also shown some impressive fist-pumping skills and Ronnie said “he had some of the creepiest dance moves I’ve seen in a while.”

Despite his biting antics, there seems to be another – more glaring reason – as to why Bat Boy was cut from the second season.

“Snooki just wouldn’t focus when Bat Boy was around,” the producer said. “She was all over him, all the time. So much so that it was making things awkward. Bat Boy was stealing some of the attention away from the other guys and the two of them would always be late for shooting. After a while, we felt that Bat Boy was delaying shooting too much and we were forced to bring Angelina back. She may be annoying, but we were sure nobody liked her so shooting wouldn’t be an issue.”

Despite his heartbreak, Bat Boy is holding out hope for season 3.

THE OIL CLEANUP X CHALLENGE

NEW YORK, NY – Despite the tragedy that the Gulf oil spill has caused, there are still a few bright spots!

There is no understating the damage that the Gulf oil spill has caused. Wildlife is being threatened, fishermen have lost their jobs and cleanup efforts cannot keep up with the damage. “The Oil Cleanup X Challenge” is trying to put a positive spin on the catastrophe.

In an effort to fuel the creative minds out there and aid in the cleanup efforts, the X Prize Foundation has announced a high stakes invention challenge. They have solicited the public for their best solutions for cleaning up the oil spill and in return they will present $1.4 million in prizes.

The competition is a year-long event designed to cull the best oil-removal suggestions from your average joe to the brightest of minds.

“I got involved in this challenge because I felt it was the most constructive thing I could do,” Wendy Schmidt, the competition’s sponsor told ABC News. “We have a responsibility to clean up the mess that we’re making.”

Schmidt, wife of billionaire Google CEO Erich Schmidt and president of the Schmidt Family Foundation, has pledged to give $1 million to the winning idea.

Second and third place finishers will receive $300,000 and $100,000 respectively.

Individuals will have the next year to submit their proposals, which will be judged by a panel of experts.

According to the company’s website, first place will go to “the team that demonstrates the ability to recover oil on the sea surface at the highest oil recovery rate and the highest Recovery Efficiency.”

While the BP oil spill has done its damage, this competition is aimed at hopefully establishing methods to address any future mishaps.

“Our focus is future disasters,” she said.

CLINTON THROWS BACHELOR PARTY FOR MEZVINKSY

Rhinebeck, NY -  Bill Clinton threw a wild bachelor party last night for his future son-in-law, Marc Mezvinsky. Chelsea Clinton wasn’t happy.

Bill Clinton insisted on throwing a bachelor party for his future son-in-law, over the strong objections of his beautiful daughter, Chelsea.  But when Bill wants something, Bill gets it.  And what he wanted was… girls, girls, girls!

The former President brought in seventy-five strippers, pole dancers, and contortionists to the “whipped-cream” themed party held for Marc Mezvinsky at the Veranda House in Rhinebeck.  Marc was reluctant, but Bill told him, “You’re a Clinton now son, so you have to embrace the Clinton traditions.”

Mezvinsky informed Bill that Chelsea was taking his last name, “She’s dropping the Clinton entirely, sir.” A naked Bill Clinton stood up, dropped the stripper off his lap and punched Mezvinsky in the face, “The hell she is!  She’s never taking your name, unless you run for President or she runs for President, then she’ll take your name, but that’s just because the moron voters of America like it that way. She’ll always be a Clinton. Now go get me some more grain alcohol”

Clinton did a fuzzy navel jell-o shot off a half-naked bartender, but she scolded him. “My navel isn’t that low, Mr. President.”  Al Gore showed up at the Bachelor Party with a gaggle of massage therapists. During the party Gore had several happy ending massages.  He also had happy ending pole-dances, a happy ending game of pool and a happy ending coat-check. As a gift to the groom, Gore wanted to personally give Mezvinsky a happy ending, but Mezvinsky was too busy trying to keep Gina Gershon from pulling his pants down. Gershon was at the party as a “favor” to Bill.

Surprisingly, Hillary Clinton decided to attend. “Why should Bill and Marc have all the fun?”  Hillary, dressed as a stripper, was rolled out in a cage. She did a burlesque striptease for her future son-in-law, who tried to look away, but James Carville held his head in place.  “Look at your mother-in-law. You try and tell me that ain’t the next President of the United States!”

In an incoherent and rambling speech, Bill Clinton said that he was giving Marc a nickname.  “Everyone calls me Bubba, so I think it’s only fitting that Marc have a similar name. From now on you’ll be known as Boo-Boo. We’ll be Bubba and Boo-Boo. Now go get me some weed!”

The lowlight of the night was when George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush showed up and did The Full Monty for the crowd. But Hillary couldn’t take her eyes off W.  “I think I’m in love. Either that or I’m in hell.” After Bill passed out cigars to all the guys, the party quickly got out of hand and… well, WWN can’t reveal everything that happened but a lot of girls are going to be saving their blue dresses.

Some pictures from the bash:

ELLEN DEGENERES LEAVING AMERICAN IDOL

HOLLYWOOD, CA – American Idol will be in need of two more judges when the next season kicks off!

American Idol was well aware that it was going to have to find a replacement judge for Simon Cowell – their “tell it like it is” personality. Now it seems as though the show will have to find a replacement for Ellen DeGeneres as well. The daytime talk show host announced today that she would no be returning for a new season.

Degeneres came onto American Idol this past season and brought a new flair never before seen on the show. The host of “The Ellen Degeneres Show” provided her usual wit and comedy, while butting heads with Cowell on occasion. Now she’s decided to vote herself off, and American Idol is down two judges.

“A couple months ago, I let FOX and the ‘American Idol’ producers know that this didn’t feel like the right fit for me,” Degeneres said in a statement issued to Access Hollywood on Thursday. ‘I told them I wouldn’t leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next.”

The comedienne revealed that the decision was not one that was easy to make.

“It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for,” her statement continued. “I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings.”

Degeneres ended on a high note, expressing her thanks for the experience.

“I loved the experience working on ‘Idol’ and I am very grateful for the year I had. I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be,” her statement concluded.

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