SALT LAKE CITY, UT – A seven year old boy decided to skip Sunday church – and steal a car for a joyride!

The Plain City boy, unidentified due to his age, decided he was not interested in attending Sunday morning church. Instead, he somehow stole his father’s white Dodge Intrepid and went for a ride!

After running a stop sign and almost hitting another car, local police were notified and they attempted to apprehend him. However, even while trying to block the car, the boy was able to elude them!

“Another deputy from the other direction pulled into the intersection and stopped to block the intersection, turned on his lights,” said Cpt. Clint Anderson of the Weber County Sheriff’s Office. “Instead of stopping the car, this white Intrepid turned down another street.”

The police finally caught up to him after the boy returned home and ran inside to hide. His father asked him where he had been and the child admitted to his illegal joyride.

Check out footage of his driving below:

This week, we bring you the most overworked mother in this holy feature on lesser known saints.

For this installment, we present:

Saint Olivia the Overextended
Patron Saint of Working Moms

Saint Olivia worked at an orphanage in the midlands of England in the late 19th century.  Due to a sudden outbreak of tuberculosis every other sister that worked with her went out for a picnic one day and died halfway through a game of horseshoes.  Olivia was left tending to all 56 children by herself with no foreseeable means of income.

Saint Olivia immediately put the children to work.  Older children would help watch the younger children.  Those in the middle helped turn the orphanage playground into a garden.  Once this was set up the children worked the fields and sold their wares to local blue collar laborers.

One day a child came running to her from the fields, his left hand having been clean chopped off from the thresher he was working.  The child started to cry for his lost hand.  The distracted Olivia simply held it back in place, spit on it, and the hand was good as new.  She then told the child to get back to work which he did gladly.

In the middle of running this business to keep them all eating, Olivia still needed to care for the tasks of running an orphanage.  Through many a sleepless night her coffeepot was her only companion.  When money for coffee ran out, her pot miraculously always had lukewarm coffee in it, just enough to keep her awake.

Saint Olivia is now known as the Patron Saint of working mothers, child labor, and mediocre coffee.

You can pay homage to Saint Olivia, or any of the forgotten saints, by taking up a mop and acquiring the Saint Misbehavin’ guide, lovingly created by NobleWorks.

LONDON – With the flack she has received recently over showing signs of age, and difficulty she has had in acquiring African children, Madonna has decided to adopt an African woman’s uterus.

An unnamed Congolese woman , age twenty, will be paid handsomely to allow her uterus and ovaries to be surgically removed and transplanted into the fifty year old Material Girl.  Whether the young woman will receive Madonna’s aging uterus in the exchange remains unclear.

Madonna received a great deal of attention recently for pictures of her arms that show signs of age.  This transplant should greatly slow the aging process by giving her the raging hormones of a twenty-year old.  Some specialists agree that the constant supply of youthful hormones might even reverse her physical signs of ageing to a slight extent.  Despite how young she may end up looking Madonna must remember to not let her youthful impulses get the best of her, or she could risk breaking a hip again.

The transplant will also help Madonna sidestep international laws in her acquisition of African children.  With her new purely African ovaries Madonna will only need to find surrogate fathers and will be able to naturally give birth to as many African children as she wants.  Architects are already drawing up plans for an entire new wing on the Madonna home, leading some to believe that she may use fertility drugs to try and have several children at once.  Giving birth to a half dozen African children would help her compete with the Kate Gosselin, Nadya Suleman, and Angelina Jolie all at once.

Madonna, currently on her Sticky and Sweet concert tour, is expected to have the operation done in secret sometime in the next few months.  Even if she is to become pregnant with multiple twins, Madonna will not stop touring.

BRUSSELS – A Belgian artist has created a tribute to Michael Jackson at the annual Blankenberge Sand Sculpture Festival.

Borescki Wiaczeslaw was first inspired as a teenager by Michael Jackson. The first drawing he did was of the late singer, that he gave to his girlfriend!

Wiaczeslaw used 15,000 pounds of sand to create the tribute he built below!

The sculpture will be on display until August 31.

Talk about “odd” jobs! Cat casher, slubber, doffer and chick sexer… are all occupations recognized by the U.S. Department of Labor.

And many of these weird names for jobs actually describe occupations that are totally different from what you’d expect.

A belly builder, for example, has nothing to do with fitness. It’s a person who constructs the back panels of pianos.

A revival clerk has nothing to do with religious meetings. It is someone who checks on lapsed insurance policies to determine if they should be reinstated.

And a cat chaser actually directs the placement of logs delivered by tractor.

Here are more bizarre job titles from the Labor Department’s occupational dictionary:

10. Puffer: Laundry worker who slides material back and forth over a heated metal form to smooth and press portions of garments.

9. Spudder: Cuts knots and diseased or decayed portions from logs.

8. Brim buster: Tends to a machine that presses unfinished hat bodies to shape hats.

7. Frog shaker: Shakes cured tobacco to separate, clean and straighten the leaves and to expose them to air.

6. Gasser: Operates a machine that singes loose fibers from thread.

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