Stricken Sea Monster

Suddenly John Axelson saw a snake-like head rear out of the sea about 30 feet off the starboard bow of the vessel.

Sea Serpent Off Boston

Its head resembled a horse.

MERMAID HALLE BERRY WASHES ASHORE

MALIBU -  Surfers at Zuma Beach were shocked to see a mermaid, especially when the mermaid is Halle Berry!

The Malibu High Surfing gang was out early this morning:  smoking weed, eating granola and riding gnarly waves.  After beating up some eleven-year-old tourists who were trying to learn how to surf (“These are OUR waves, dude!”), they came in to tell each other how good they looked in their wet suits.

That’s when Taj Jett (19) saw something big and orange on the shore.  “Dudes, look there’s something big and orange over there.”  The surfers put down their combs and long boards and ran to the edge of the water.  When they got there, their jaws dropped.  “Duuuuuuudes, that’s a chick,” said Nico Bartz (18).  “That’s not just a chick, dude, that’s Halle Berry!” Taj said as he ran around in circles on the sand.

Loka Swenson (17),  introduced herself to Berry and said, “Dude.  Did you know you have fins?”  Halle Berry pulled herself  up.   “I’ve always been a mermaid.  It’s just a little secret of mine.”  A topless Berry than set up on the beach. “Right on,”  said Loka.   “Awesome,” said everybody else.  Taj elbowed Nico in the ribs, pointed at Berry’s breasts and said, “Dude.”

Berry managed to pull her way to the berm and away from the stoned surfers.   In the tall grass she transformed back into… Halle with legs.

Surfer Matthew McConaughey came to the beach.  After beating up several eleven-year-old tourists who were trying to learn how to surf  (“These are OUR waves, dude!”), he went over to talk to Berry.   She told McConaughey that she came ashore in the morning because she was “tired of keeping secrets.  I want everyone to know the truth.”   MConaughey agreed with her and told her, “I got a hair transplant.”

Berry, now back to her full woman form, walked to her Porsche and drove off.  The Malibu High Surfers have been talking about it all day, wondering if they really saw the mermaid Halle Berry or not.   They set a record for saying “dude” in one day.  Ten thousand.

Meanwhile, Matthew McConaughey spent the day in the ocean, trying to turn into a merman.  A merman with a hair transplant.    At last report, he was still… just a man.

Hurricane Chris is working on a new song:  ‘Halle Berry (She’s So Mermaid).”  Here’s the smash YouTube video of Halle dancing to his last song.  Look closely, you can see a little bit of her fin.

Picture of the Day?

Humm. Image.

Do “Chicks Dig Yowies”?

What do you think? Image.

THE MIDNIGHT COWBOY IS READY FOR THE LADIES!

NEW YORK – You like leather ladies? Well, the hottest gigolo in town is waiting for you to ring his cowbell.

He’s back in New York City for one month only and he’s aiming to please. Cowboy, whose real name is Buck, has a bovine head and a smoking hot male body. He’s known as the greatest male prostitute to ever work in New York City. No more waiting, Ladies… the Cowboy has come home.

Buck is technically a bull (an uncastrated adult male) not a cow, but he didn’t like it when people called him Bullboy.

Buck originally hails from Crystal Lake, Illinois and grew up on The Scott Ranch, well-known cattle breeders.  The owner, Spike Scott, often experimented with cross-breeding. In 1970, Spike bought a dairy cow named Betsy and thought there was something special about her. He decided to mix his own “DNA” with Betsy’s and… Buck was born!

He attended schools in Crystal Lake, but was kicked out of high school for eating the school lawn.

Buck was popular with everybody in Crystal Lake, especially the girls. They loved the fact that the only word he could say was “moo.”  But Buck still felt like an outsider and decided to mosey to New York City where he knew he wouldn’t stick out.

Unfortunately, the first person Buck met was an imp named Ratso, who quickly took advantage of  Buck’s popularity with women. The imp became Buck’s pimp and…the rest is history. Buck became known as The Midnight Cowboy and always had a herd of women waiting to see him. “He’s got a great nose and great skin,” said Morgan Larkin, 35.  “But what really turns me on is the fact that he’s a great listener. I can talk for hours and he doesn’t even blink.”

“The only thing that bothers me about Buck is that he chews my plants,” said regular client, Sandy Nixon. “But he’s a great cuddler and nobody nuzzles like Buck. Nobody!”  Buck usually has to drink a bathtub of water on every “call” but women don’t mind because, as one longtime client said, “he’s hung like a bull.”

Buck finally got away from Ratso in 1995 and has been living on a dairy farm in Sweden ever since. He’s been divorced three times – he married a woman, a heifer, and a woman heifer.  Before coming back to America, Buck stopped in Pamplona for the running of the bulls.  He was running with the bulls and from the bulls.

Ladies of New York… if you want an appointment with The Midnight Cowboy, email Frank Lake at WWN.  He won’t steer you wrong.

New Devon Coast Sea Serpent Photograph

The breaking encounter was reinforced with a new image of the creature. Photo.

What Did You Think? Wife Swap’s Bigfoot Family

The show is set for broadcast. Now, what will it show? Images.

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