Crazy Corn Croc Linked To Strange Name Game

It must pointed out that a name that has popped up in this report has immediate association with ufology. Image.

Servals in NY and Ohio ~ and California?

What else is out there? Image.

A Bigfoot Bromance

The stars of Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie get their own reality series. Bigfoot Reality TV Show Premieres Sept. 11. Preview videos inside.

C2C AM: Labor Day Jersey Monsters

Appearing on Labor Day... Images.

ED ANGER AND PHD APE TO HELP T.I.

NEW YORK, NY – T.I. may be in a bit of trouble – help isn’t far off!

T.I.’s career and life looked like it was taking off again. His new movie Takers, which he starred in and co-executive produced, opened in theaters at No. 1 last weekend. His album, King Uncaged, is scheduled for a September 28 release. On top of that, he married Tameka Cottle in July. All of this since his release from a halfway house in March. Those good vibes may be put on hold for a bit…

T.I. was arrested on Wednesday for drug possession and it could land the rapper back in jail. He and his wife were arrested in West Hollywood after deputies pulled their car over after smelling marijuana and arrested them on suspicion of possessing meth-amphetamines.

Looks like the King might be going back to the cage. His attempt at a fresh start might be coming to an abrupt. According to lawyer Steven Knowles, if convicted, T.I. could face a multiple-year jail sentence. “This is big time,” Knowles told Yahoo! Music. “I really don’t envy his defense lawyer.”

The Takers star had spent seven months in a federal prison in Arkansas for illegal firearms possession and possessing a gun as a convicted felon.

According to the Associated Press, as a condition to his three-year parole, he was forbidden from committing another federal, state or local crime, or illegally possessing a controlled substance. Looks like T.I. dug himself a grave and it’s going to be mighty hard to get out of it – wherever should he turn?

Cue Ed Anger and PhD Ape…

T.I.’s legal team knows that this is an uphill battle and that calling in the big guns is the only way to have a fighting chance. They know that there aren’t two more larger than life personalities than Anger and PhD Ape. Bringing them on is a smart move and one that will hopefully salvage the career of T.I.

“We know that PhD Ape is in Europe helping Team USA, but we figured any advice he had to offer was a step in the right direction,” a member of T.I.’s camp told Weekly World News. “PhD Ape was more than helpful and he made a call to his good buddy, Ed Anger, to come and help us.”

Compassion and Ed Anger don’t exactly mix. However, if you get the conservative riled up enough about a subject, he is capable of making magic happen. PhD Ape filled him in on the matter and told him it’s a cause worth fighting for – proving that an entertainer can turn his life around.

“I’m madder than Jennifer Aniston at a speed dating event,” Anger told us. “T.I. is lucky that Ape is a good friend of mine because I would much rather be at home complaining about everything. Listen, the man screwed up – again – I get it. But I’m convinced that the King of the South is a good man – who just wants to entertain. We’re going to push for community service. And when it’s done, Ape and myself will whip him into shape.”

T.I. better hope that having two heavyweights in his corner can save his career.

LABOR DAY RENAMED SEX DAY

WASHINGTON -  Due to the poor economy, Congress voted today to rename Labor Day. This year it will be called “Sex Day.”

Leaders of the House and Senate called their members back to Washington today for a vote on renaming Labor Day.  Nancy Pelosi told reporters, “There are too many people out of work to have a proper Labor Day celebration. It just reminds people how bad the economy is. It’s too depressing. At the same time, we learned this week that the U.S. birth rate is at a all-time low, so we need to encourage our citizens to have sex and make more American babies.”

“What better way to spend a day off than having sex all day,” said Vice President Biden, who initiated the plan for Sex Day.  “And since nobody really has any money for vacations anymore, why not just go into the bedroom and take a little sex vacation with your loved one?  It’s free, it’s fun and… the kids you’ll have next May will love it!”

Conservatives immediately objected to the renaming of Labor Day. “Sex is not the answer!  We need job, job, jobs,” said Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell.  But when Scott Brown, Senator of Massachusetts was asked what he thought he said, “Actually, I think sex is the answer.  I don’t know what the question is, but sex is always a good answer.”

Americans across the country seem to be embracing the new name for the September holiday.   Many Americans are planning on staying at home and “getting busy.”  “I like the idea,” said Jonathan Wilson of New York.  “Maybe my wife will alter our sex schedule for once.”  Wilson’s wife, Cheryl, responded, “Maybe my husband will last more than two minutes on Monday.”

Congress is hoping for a big baby boom next May.  “What would be perfect if we had millions of babies born next May 1st, which is International Worker’s Day. We can make all those babies official members of the AFL-CIO upon birth.  That’s be wonderful for the country.”

The first Labor Day in the United States was celebrated on September 5, 1882 in New York City. It became a federal holiday in 1894, when, following the deaths of a number of workers at the hands of the U.S. military and U.S. Marshals during the Pullman Strike, President Grover Cleveland  put reconciliation with the labor movement as a top political priority. Fearing further conflict, Labor Day was made a national holiday .

There’s no conflict this year, so Sex Day is a national holiday.

Lola Ridge, a 25-year-old escort in New York City strongly supports the new holiday.  “I think everybody should have sex, not just couples trying to have babies. There should be one day a year where everybody should be ordered to have sex.  And if you’re in New York, call me.  I’ll give you a holiday discount.”

President Obama plans to go to Camp David for the national day of sex.    He recommends all Americans rest up on Sunday in order to prepare for a wild day on Monday.  “Get your freak on,” said President Obama.

Let the foreplay begin!

Bigfoot’s Nifty Fifty: 50 Years of Bigfoot

It’s time for the 50th annual Willow Creek Bigfoot Days celebration, which is taking place this coming Labor Day weekend September 4th and 5th 2010.

FEDS DEPORT SHERIFF JOE

MARICOPA COUNTY -  The Department of Justice had Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio arrested and deported yesterday.

The U.S. Department of Justice on Thursday announced it had sued Joe Arpaio, the controversial sheriff of Maricopa County  in Arizona, for failing to turn over documents in an investigation of whether his aggressive operations against illegal immigrants had violated civil rights. Shortly after, FBI agents went to Sheriff Joe’s office and arrested him.

In a bold move, that is sure to cause more animosity between the citizens of Arizona and the federal government, the Obama Administration then had Sheriff Joe deported.  “Sheriff Joe has been causing trouble for Mexicans ever since he was elected in 1992,” said Attorney General Eric Holder.  “We need Sheriff’s in Arizona that will treat Mexicans and illegal immigrants with love and kindness, not with law and order.”

For his own safety, Federal authorities did not deport him to Mexico.  Instead, they gave him a one-way ticket to Fiji.  He’ll be met at the airport by the leader of the Turaga tribe.  “Sheriff Joe will be one of us from now. He will spend the rest of his life making wooden bowls and grass skirts,”  said Chief Roku Katvadu.

“Hey, the President would love to go to Fiji himself, but he’s too busy with his vacations,” said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs.  “Sheriff Joe will be free in Fijiand illegal immigrants will be free in Phoenix.  It’s a win-win situation.”

The arrest and deportation of Sheriff Joe came two months after a Justice Department lawsuit halted a tough new Arizona immigration law, which Arpaio strongly supported. The deportation of Sheriff Joe is unrelated to the immigration law and stems from an investigation into the sheriff’s immigration enforcement operations.  “He’s just too tough on criminals,” said Eric Holder.  “Many criminals have had difficult childhoods or have had their hearts broken by their lovers. We need to be more compassionate and understanding. Sheriff Joe was mean.”

“The actions of the sheriff’s office are unprecedented,” said Thomas E. Perez, assistant attorney general for the civil rights division, in a statement.  “I think he should have been locked up in his own jail for the rest of his life, but I guess if he’s in Fiji making bowls, he can’t do any damage here.”

Arpaio is the first American citizen to be deported by the Federal Government.  “Hey, President Obama likes to be the first at everything, ” said Rahm Emanuel.

Arpaio was unavailable for comment, he was busy getting a pig bone rammed through his nose.

Here’s a video about Sheriff Joe’s Tent City Jail.  He denied prisoners television.  Something that Eric Holder called “torture.”

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